Angel - 5th January 2015
"Dear Gemma, You hang in there. You're a stronger soul than you think. Remember music and playing in the spirit of your friend Peter any time things start to beat you up. A good person in you and a good song can go a very long way.... David": These, my dear American drummer and writer friend, David R. Aldridge's words, replayed in my mind as I left home to go into London for the first time in two weeks to start work this afternoon.
I suffer from chronic OCD which, now that I've taken steps (again) to confront it, is doing its worst in terms of bullying me. Practically everything I encounter when I'm feeling this bad triggers numerous fears and anxieties and the longer I stay indoors at home the harder re-entry into the world becomes.
So this session was purely about just getting out and playing. As predicted, I only made enough money to cover my train fair, but I enjoyed the relaxation and the physical act of playing my violin affords me. I also felt grateful that the nasty burn I suffered during the Christmas holidays as a consequence of mindlessly placing my left hand and fingers on an electric hob to check whether it was still hot or not, hadn't impaired my ability to play.
On entering the station I noticed a well-dressed young woman in an upright foetal position against a wall. She appeared to be asleep and completely unfazed by the tide of undistinguished commuters. I reported my sighting to the jolly female staff member on the ticket gate who went to investigate, but by the time she'd got down there, the woman had vanished?!